Nails in my head Listening to Christina Aguilera’s Loving Me 4 Me…
This song takes me back to what I was feeling for a very long time. I was held captive with my own thoughts of how I thought people portrayed me and how I portrayed myself. Because I was too different, I made myself a wall to hinder me from the outside world. I was in a psychological bubble, and it seemed that I couldn’t get out of it. I was depressed from elementary school to freshmen year in college. I learned to be observant of people, but I truly didn’t understand them. I learned to be ‘happy’ even thought I really was not, and many other emotions. But, later on I recognized that I was really different, so I stopped trying to use ‘emotions’, and let out a little air from the bubble. I felt like dying, and I didn’t want to feel that way.
Freshmen year in college, I actually fell in love. Surprisingly, I forced myself to pop a bubble I thought was impossible to live without. I finally stepped out in the world. I admit, I was really scared. I didn’t know what to do while I was dating. I asked so many questions because I really wanted to know what he was thinking (but I guess I scared him in some way). Then, going to Japan for a year was an experience, I made friends I still talk to. They love me for me. It felt so good to be myself with others, and I was accepted right away. Then, I come back. I wanted to say something that was growing heavily on my heart, but then we separated. For the first time, I had overwhelming emotions coming in all at once. I felt like I needed that bubble again. But, I think I refused to give in to it; I needed to experience those emotions after all the times faking emotions.
It was beautiful to have those moments. And I can finally say that I love myself. I embrace my past, race the present, and look towards the future.
Nails in my head
Listening to Christina Aguilera’s Loving Me 4 Me…
This song takes me back to what I was feeling for a very long time. I was held captive with my own thoughts of how I thought people portrayed me and how I portrayed myself. Because I was too different, I made myself a wall to hinder me from the outside world. I was in a psychological bubble, and it seemed that I couldn’t get out of it. I was depressed from elementary school to freshmen year in college. I learned to be observant of people, but I truly didn’t understand them. I learned to be ‘happy’ even thought I really was not, and many other emotions. But, later on I recognized that I was really different, so I stopped trying to use ‘emotions’, and let out a little air from the bubble. I felt like dying, and I didn’t want to feel that way.
Freshmen year in college, I actually fell in love. Surprisingly, I forced myself to pop a bubble I thought was impossible to live without. I finally stepped out in the world. I admit, I was really scared. I didn’t know what to do while I was dating. I asked so many questions because I really wanted to know what he was thinking (but I guess I scared him in some way). Then, going to Japan for a year was an experience, I made friends I still talk to. They love me for me. It felt so good to be myself with others, and I was accepted right away. Then, I come back. I wanted to say something that was growing heavily on my heart, but then we separated. For the first time, I had overwhelming emotions coming in all at once. I felt like I needed that bubble again. But, I think I refused to give in to it; I needed to experience those emotions after all the times faking emotions.
It was beautiful to have those moments. And I can finally say that I love myself. I embrace my past, race the present, and look towards the future.
![gastrogirl:
creamy shrimp and mushroom pasta.
So, I’ll be making this once I find shrimp and mushrooms in the house =]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m40jw7bKtv1qfpcnio1_400.jpg)
